In this article I will show you another tip on how to be a man:
Hey there, gentlemen (and some ladies, too). Hope things are going well. I’ve been getting a good number of great questions from you guys, so thanks for that. Let’s get to this letter which sets up today’s lesson by bringing up some excellent points:
“I recently met a very beautiful woman at the club this past
weekend. In fact, she was the bartender. The conversation
was going well, but I wasn’t too interested because there
were so many women around. Anyway, before I left, I got her
to give me her e-mail (she said she never gives out her
phone #, which I didn’t ask for anyway). While I was
walking away she said that she rarely checks her
e-mail…perhaps once a month. I just shrugged it off and
walked away. It was almost as if she wanted to give me her
phone number…Question: How long do you think I should
wait to e-mail her and should I try to get her number right
away, with the first e-mail? What are some good e-mail
techniques to get women to give you their phone number?
Ahhh, yes. The bartender. Hot, by definition. Gets all kinds of attention. How *do* you get her? How do you negotiate the minefield of courtship such that you don’t screw up? How do I get the prize, Doc?
First, let’s examine the things that our friend Jeremy here has done right:
“The conversation was going well, but I wasn’t too interested because there were so many women around.”
First off, he’s not being needy. There’s two effective ways of getting to this attitude. One is through external means, and the other is through internal ones.
One thing that I learned in my 23 years of formal schooling is never to use a simple term for something when you can use a needlessly complicated one. So let’s call one externally-determined self-sufficiency, and the other internally-determined self-sufficiency.
Externally determined self-sufficiency means that you are so obviously surrounded by abundance that it doesn’t even occur to you to be needy. That’s what our friend is doing up there: there are so many other good-looking women around that the bartender barely registers on the radar.
Remember the cookies experiment (Exercise 14 from Chapter 7,
“Meet” in ‘The Tao of Dating’,)? When you have just one, you get a lot stingier with the cookie because that last remaining one seems a lot more valuable. When you had 20 cookies, no worries. You can even afford to give some away.
Internal self-sufficiency means that even when the external signs of abundance are missing, you still have that attitude of abundance within you. Because you know and deeply understand beyond a shadow of a doubt that abundance is the law of the universe. And you are fine right where you are.
This is the turborcharged, supercharged, rocket-propelled version of the external self-sufficiency, because once you have it, NO ONE CAN TAKE IT AWAY FROM YOU.
It doesn’t depend on who’s around. It doesn’t depend on where you live. It just is.
And that’s exactly what The Tao of Dating is all about getting you to that point of internal self-sufficiency so that you’re not affected by
Of course, all of this sounds familiar by now (or at least it should). It should remind you of the first of the beliefs about the universe from The Tao of Dating:
“I believe in the abundance of the universe.”
It should also be an echo of the first of the three principles of being a man (vs. a boy), namely, total self-sufficiency (the other two being an internal frame of reference and leadership — go back to your copy of The Tao of Dating if you’ve already forgotten).
OK, back to the letter. Let’s see what else our good man Jeremy does right:
“Anyway, before I left, I got her to give me her e-mail (she said she never gives out her phone #, which I didn’t ask for anyway).”
Good work here. When you have a positive interaction with a woman you like, capture the value of the interaction by getting information that allows you to follow up. This means getting contact information at some point. Jeremy got the email, which is good. He also didn’t sweat it when she didn’t put her phone number down, which is also the right thing to do. Remember, she’s either a customer already or she’s not. You’re never going to *persuade* her to like you.
Up to now, our hero was doing very well. Now let’s look at the next
“Question: How long do you think I should wait to e-mail
her and should I try to get her number right away, with the
first e-mail? What are some good e-mail techniques to get
women to give you their phone number?”
Here is where the battle is lost. There are several implications to his question:
1) He’s more worried about losing her than gaining her. This goes directly against wealth-consciousness. If you focus on losing her, that’s what you’re going to get. If you focus on the amazing amount of fun you’re going to have together, that’s likely what you’ll get. Your pick.
2) He cares what she thinks. In doing so, our good man Jeremy is violating the first rule of attitude (from Chapter 5 of The Tao of Dating):
“I will not give excess importance to what someone else
thinks or says.”
The new Attitude Supercharger from the Mindtrack series is designed to get this idea deeply established in your mind so that it becomes a natural part of who you are.
3) He’s more focused on what he can get than what he can give.
We already talked about that. Be the giving machine. Even on adultfrinendfinder.com login.
4) There exists a technique that will get women to do things
they would otherwise not want to do. Unless coerced, a woman will never do something she would not already want to do. Is there any technique that will make you give me your wallet? Your left kidney? Jump off a
cliff? Join a cult? Well, same for women. You have either already done the things that will make her want to give her number to you willingly (in business-speak, she’s already a ‘customer’), or you haven’t.
“Before you can ask for something, you must wait for it to be given.”
What you *can* do, however, is get out of your own way by not doing something blatantly counterproductive. A woman who likes you will make it very, very easy for you to get closer to her — trust me on that. They are exceptionally forgiving that way.
A good way to make it easy for a woman to give her your phone number in any situation is to make it incidental to a shared goal. For example, if you both want to go see a movie, it makes sense for you to exchange numbers so you can find each other at the mall where the movie is playing. Or, if you’re giving her complicated directions to somewhere, it may be easier to do it over the phone. And, if anything, make *her* work for your phone number, not the other way around.
The phone number is merely a means to an end, the end being greater ability to communicate. We forget that sometimes. And if she’s not giving it — no worries. She’s not your customer, which leaves you free to move on.
All of this stuff I explain, re-explain and reinforce in the new Attitude Supercharger Mindtrack. It’s got two main tracks. In the Didactic Learning track, I go over the principles of right attitude. In the Integrative Learning track, I use a series of advanced techniques in a guided meditation/trance format to really get that information instilled deep into your behavior. I want you to listen to
the Integrative module over and over again, which is why I made it about 17 minutes long.
I’m creating a series of these Mindtracks, with one of them coming out per month.
The power is within you,